Challenges

In October, I started going to the gym; I was doing well; then life happened, I lost my babysitter so I couldn't go anymore. I miss it because I'm actually a better mom after I spend 45 minutes working off the annoyances of the day prior to going home to be a mom and a student both. I'm entering my last semester of Grad School. By last semester, I mean last decent into hell. I eventually shifted from not working out to working at at home for now until I find a babysitter; I'm still coughing out S35 a month to a gym I never see but maybe my wallet will motivate me to find a sitter. 

For the next 2 weeks, I'm finishing up a 21 day challenge. I did it last year but I stopped it when the challenge stopped. This year I actually started it back in December. In October I swapped my favorite starbucks for a Skinny. In November I kissed rice and bread good bye; in December, I kissed chocolate good bye (that was hell) and now I've kissed all the other crap goodbye. I'm living on greens and protein. I did it for years and I'm finally starting to feel like me again. I'm not as cranky or tired. I'm sleeping better. 

I'm about to start working out twice a day until I start seeing some results. I've lost over 5 inches in a week but it's not where I want to loose it. its not fair, problem areas should leave 1st. :)

sinful foods and other desires.

Okay I know I need to eat fruit and veggies but lets just be honest ice cream is so much yummier. Thick rich creamy blue bell ice cream; not the loaded with spenda crap either. The good stuff. Vanilla loaded with chocolate gooey goodness. That's what I want. Forget the bannana give me the bannana split. The problem with this is I know that ice cream is going to go straigt to my middle and make me sleepy as I can be; however, for some reason I could careless at this point. I have to get all this sorted out so I can get it straight. I have to figure out why this time I cannot stay out of the drive thru and put up the bad for me yucky fats and start eating like I know I should. Not deprevation but a true lifestyle change again. Why why why can't I get this straight this time. I look in the mirror and I am so mad over it. People passify me and say you have to wait for your thryoid hormone to level out but that seems like an excuse to me. Its like me still using my knee injury as a reason. I want to be able to play with my son and run outside with him. Ride backs and chase him. I need to get moving but I cannot seems to find a way. for some reason that imediate ice cream out weighs any long term benefit I am finding. That is so unfair to my son and my self long term.

Motivation

2/5/2010

I have no motivation to even go for a walk lately. I will admit the "Artic Blast" did not help. I have no motivation to get up and go to the warm gym either. I have no idea where it happend; years ago I was extremely overweight. I got fed up with it so I got up joined the gym and started working my tail off and eating everything I knew I should and nothing I knew I shouldn't. I am not quite sure why I can't get myself to do that this time. When I do treck to the gym the owner, who is equally fierce to Jillian, says if I did it once I can do it again. I wanna scream @ her the girl that did it before was 8 years younger, had no baby at home to chase, and still had her thryoid intact. She had energy, she was fresh out of college and ready to conquer the world starting with the one thing she hated about herself. Currently there are many things about myself I have come to dislike. I have become catty, mean and @ times down right hateful to people who are closest to me. My vision has shifted somewhere. I used to put God first, the others then me. Here lately I have completely reversed that order. Perhaps that is my wall, my priorites are so out of balance that I can't begin to find a way to do anything. I pray I find some way to conquer all this mess. It's slowly killing me.

Cravings and Changes....

I dreamed of Cheesecake and Tirimisu last night. That's my problem; I don't just like some foods I like the really bad ones. The ones that are so rich, sweet and yummy that for most people only a small bite would suffice. Italian Cappachino with cheesecake = heaven on earth. At least that's my opinion. And it's not just the rich stuff I like...ice cream, cake, cookies, mashed potatos, rice with butter and gravy...okay I have to stop my stomach will be growling any second.
Eventually I may be able to have some of those again and just eat them here and there but for now I need to reset body back to what's healthy and good for me. It's hard espeically when you want that stuff so bad.
I have done this before; I was an adimate Zone eater for years; nothing white, refined or yellow ever entered my mouth. Now every I'm back to my old ways...if i was an adict of some horrible illegal subtance they would say I have relapsed. I guess I have..what I dont understand is last time I just started eating healthy no questions asked. this time its harder...guess I'm going to have to work at this a little more than I thought. I have so many things I need to do but at times I feel like my life is a schambles. I know this is something I can change though....so here we go.....

Carb-o-holic's Journey Begins Again

I am a carboholic; what do I mean by that. I love my carbs. I love them to the point that I am unhealthy. I have to loose weight to get in shape. I'm a single mom and I need to loose weight to have more energy to play with my baby. I'm over weight and I don't want that to be the case once he starts running around in circles in the next year. So I am going to try to write about my journey. Now mind you that I have 3 blogs so hopfully I can keep up with all of this. If not I may be merging these into on one Random Blog soon; but for now we will try. The blog is all about the skinny on my weight loss and progress. I will post pics tomorrow of where I am today. My goal is to be very far away from where I am today by next new years. I want to be healthy and make healthy choices for my child. To do so I need to go back to making healthy choices for me. Now see I have done this before; this time my goal is to stay off the yo-yo. I know what I did wrong..I quit going to the gym and started eating like nothing else mattered when in reality it all mattered. So we are back @ square one only this time I'm 35, single, have just had a baby and no thryoid now so it may be even harder to loose all this weight but I'm determined to loose not only the baby weight but the pre baby weight and the post thyroidectomy weight too. So my journey begings......