Motivation

2/5/2010

I have no motivation to even go for a walk lately. I will admit the "Artic Blast" did not help. I have no motivation to get up and go to the warm gym either. I have no idea where it happend; years ago I was extremely overweight. I got fed up with it so I got up joined the gym and started working my tail off and eating everything I knew I should and nothing I knew I shouldn't. I am not quite sure why I can't get myself to do that this time. When I do treck to the gym the owner, who is equally fierce to Jillian, says if I did it once I can do it again. I wanna scream @ her the girl that did it before was 8 years younger, had no baby at home to chase, and still had her thryoid intact. She had energy, she was fresh out of college and ready to conquer the world starting with the one thing she hated about herself. Currently there are many things about myself I have come to dislike. I have become catty, mean and @ times down right hateful to people who are closest to me. My vision has shifted somewhere. I used to put God first, the others then me. Here lately I have completely reversed that order. Perhaps that is my wall, my priorites are so out of balance that I can't begin to find a way to do anything. I pray I find some way to conquer all this mess. It's slowly killing me.